I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
