the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
