I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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