I looked at my own cervix.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
