We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
