he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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