At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wear drunk well.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
