Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
as a side note pls kill me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
