hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
