My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
