I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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