this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
