my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
