Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
