Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
