guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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