You made me cry and you don't even care
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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