i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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