did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
