She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
