I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
