Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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