i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
