We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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