I puked a lego.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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