I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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