so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
