ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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