I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
