Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
soo... how was my night?
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