Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
