You work out of a Hotel?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
