dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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