Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
