I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
