She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
