Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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