advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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