i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
