I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
