Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize