i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
