I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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