You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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