i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
