OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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