Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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