we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
