I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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