I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were trust falling into bushes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
