Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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