I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
