our cab driver is having phone sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
