this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
