I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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