i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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