we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
