i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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