ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
