he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
