There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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