I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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