new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize