You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize