Is it normal to miss your booty call?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
